I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
