Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
