A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
