You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
