I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
