? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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