I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
