I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
