piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
