Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
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yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
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We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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