I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
