The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
