i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
