well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
