You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
