I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
