I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
