dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
The cops high fived after they tackled you
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
