thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
