9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
why do cheetos always look like penises
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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