just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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