people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
