well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
