ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
