Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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