My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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