Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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