I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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