WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
