Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
