My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
