you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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