worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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