I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
