So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
