A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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