This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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