I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
