How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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