Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
