Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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