fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
