I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
