Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
