even my farts smell like vagina
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Randomize
