He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
