I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
