i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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