dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
