a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
