Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
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