shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
