i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
