My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
