I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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