Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm like, not good at living.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
