I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
