we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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