I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
