My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize