took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
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I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
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Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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